If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
