sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
