The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
