i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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