I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
