just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
