dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
