Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
