My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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