Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
