her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
