3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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