I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
