I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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