I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
