me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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