So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize