I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
