The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
