So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
