sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
pray to the hookup gods
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize