After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
