My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
