____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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