At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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