Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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