You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize