Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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