They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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