Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
