I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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