I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A bitchslap is in order.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
