STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize