How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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