never play flip cup with pint glasses
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
this will be a night to untag.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
