Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
