Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize