PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
