tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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