why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
