gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
