you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
