Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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