but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
