Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
