Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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