Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I smell stomach acid.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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