sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
