There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
