He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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