Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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