When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
