im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
