I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The air was thick with penises
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
