I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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