apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
