Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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