She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
