hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
