pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
