you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
