I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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