the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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