The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
