Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
