its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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