the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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