why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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