I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
