hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
