found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
