One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
