have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We left the knife in your bed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
