I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
