PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
