I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
